Monday, July 28, 2014


Let's be honest.
I think we're all pretty tired of July.

But that's what MONDAY PUN-DAY is for!
So, Brochacho just got back from his weekend football camp yesterday, and I do believe I ventured deeper into the world of sweaty teenage scents than any man, woman or child has ever gone before.

I have no words.

So in honor of that... experience, I have an especially "festive" pun.

I somehow bought some defective Febreeze. I don't get it, it just doesn't make any scents...

Brochacho: haha deal with it

Honestly, I picked up his dirty clothes bag and it was wet. *shudder*
Your Royal Paleness

Friday, July 25, 2014

5 Months 'Til Christmas!

Hey, y'all!

Momma's already started her Christmas shopping.
So, I don't know if you noticed this or not, but yesterday was FREE TEA DAY at McALISTER'S (which, as I have been informed, has now been around for 25 years).
And yes, Your Royal Paleness did support this iconic holiday.

(By the way, did anyone see the new Lipton Tea commercial featuring the Muppets? If you haven't, click here. You have much to learn.)

That's not all that happened yesterday.
Sadly, we were having technical difficulties at the Royal Residence of Paleness and have not actually viewed the program yet.

Brochacho: good
Hush, Brochacho. (He's actually away for the weekend. Dog misses him.)
So, honestly, could yesterday have gotten any better?
Thank you, Oprah.

But sadly *sigh*, Free Tea Day is over, and I needed a new countdown.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned my slight obsession with the Hunger Games before, but I've read all the books and own all available Collector's Edition DVDs.
Both movies are also on my mobile device.
So are both soundtracks.
And movie posters.
But, you know.
So I decided to change the countdown to "Days Until Mockingjay PART I!"
Woot woot!
Catching Fire was a lot better than the first Hunger Games, don't y'all think? Hopefully Mockingjay PART I will be just as good. Click here to watch the first teaser trailer, and here to watch the second.
Your viewing is mandatory.

May the odds be ever in your favor!
Your Royal Paleness

Monday, July 21, 2014


Whoop whoop!
Happy Monday!

Okay, maybe not.
But it is just 3 days from FREE TEA DAY!
And 4 days from CHRISTMAS IN JULY (literally)!!!

So it's actually a pretty good day.
Let's make it a great day with a pun!

I met this really cool wrestler at McAlister's the other day.
His name was Mr. Tea.

Be sure to stop by McAlister's Deli on Thursday for a free glass of tea!

You'd be a fool not to.
Your Royal Paleness

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Happy National Ice Cream Day!

I don't know about y'all, but it's pretty hot down here.

Let's cool down with National Ice Cream Day!
So if you'd like to go out and celebrate (of course you would!), some deals 'n' steals are available.

Baskin Robbins: Enhance your ice cream experience with a waffle cone upgrade with a purchase of two scoops. Available all throughout July.

Ben & Jerry's: Follow the Ben and Jerry's Scoop Truck to New York City and Portland, Oregon today for free scoops of the companies' newest flavors, Salted Caramel Brownie and Hazed and Confused. To see when the Scoop Truck is coming near you, follow @BenJerrysTruck and @BenJerrysWest on Twitter (Your Royal Paleness does not have a Twitter. It's okay; just check back here! :) ).

Carvel: I don't think they have these where I live, but maybe you live right next to one... Enjoy a blast from the past from this soft-serve hot-spot today only; get your own junior cone for just 80 cents. All you have to is print out the coupon here.

The Comfy Cow: These franchises can only be found in Kentucky and Indiana, but again; maybe you live 3 seconds from one. Head to this ice cream shop for a sweet (haha) buy-one-get-one-free ice cream sandwich deal.

Weis Markets Supermart: With over 160 locations in Pennsylvania, New York, Maryland, New Jersey, and West Virginia (but not here), you can grab a free sample of their newest flavor, Peanut Butter Indulgence.
Brochacho: Okay
Deddy and Brochacho are quite the fans of ice cream. We like to get Food Lion brand (it's really good).
We tried to give Dog some of the canine ice cream, but that didn't go very well (she has a sensitive stomach).

And guess what? Even if you miss today's great bargains, July is actually National Ice Cream MONTH, so a handful of businesses are letting the discounts stick until then.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor?

Oh, and congratulations to Adam Levine for his marriage, I guess.
Your Royal Paleness

Saturday, July 19, 2014

MORE Christmas in July!

I know what you're thinking.
More? More Christmas?
It's not even December!

But if you're not like some people (ahem, Brochacho), you're probably thinking more like this.

You: Where is it, Your Royal Paleness?!

'Tis here, on QVC!

Yesterday (sorry I didn't post earlier) QVC launched their 49 (yes, 49) hour Christmas in July event. From ornaments to cookbooks to delicious assorted chocolates, QVC can help you get your Christmas shopping done early!

This program will end tomorrow, along with it's special Christmas in July prices. So go ahead; buy that 15' Christmas tree for your 9' ceiling. Order that 8 to 9-pound ham for the guy in your life.
Brochacho: Or me

You: What if I can't get to my TV?
If you're in a sticky situation and can't turn on your (as Prince Harry would say) telly, don't fret; just click here!
You: What if I can't get on my computer?
Merry Christmas-in-July!

By the way, Prince Harry, I wouldn't be sad if you arrived on my doorstep with some of those chocolates.
Your Royal Paleness

Monday, July 14, 2014

7-Eleven Troubleshooting Update

Hey guys...

If you read one of my earlier posts, you know that 7-11 Convenience Store had been offering free Slurpees, Twinkies, and other assorted items on their free app since Friday. If you followed through on that, you would also know that the app crashed.

I know.

But guess what?
7-11 has promised more offers (or the same ones) TOMORROW, July 15th.

Thank you, 7-11.
If you don't have the (quite interesting to look at) app already, you can download it for free here.

Since Hallmark Christmas in July Movies are now gone for 3 months, I will gladly accept a free Big Gulp to stifle the pain.
Your Royal Paleness


(Did anyone notice the date? 7/14? 7x2=14? No? Okay..)

If you didn't notice the date, maybe you didn't know it was Monday either.
But that's okay. That's what Pun-Day is here for.

I have this friend who's a boxer. He recently went on assault-free diet.

(Please welcome Johnny Depp for today's GIF.)

Why would you even want to live without salt anyway? God made it for a reason...

Your Royal Paleness
(Congratulations to Germany, the 2014 World Cup Champions!)

Sunday, July 13, 2014

FIFA World Cup Final

Guten Tag! or ¡Hola!

(Depends on who you're cheering for.)

Today marks the 2014 FIFA World Cup Final! Germany and Argentina will go head-to-head and compete for the coveted title of World Cup Champions at 3:00PM EST. Who's ready?

I know I am. So is Brochacho.

Now, if history is to repeat itself, Germany will be the 2014 Champions, as they had won 3 of 8 attended World Cup Finals since 1930. Argentina has won 2 of 5 attended.
Argentina does have that Messi guy, though, so that's an advantage.
But Germany has Your Royal Paleness' vote. Sorry.

Who are you cheering for?
Your Royal Paleness
(By the time I post this the game will be over.)

Friday, July 11, 2014

Happy 7-11, Y'all

If you are part of the nerd community, or of the poet community, you probably noticed the ONLY DATE OF THE YEAR that rhymes already.

Maybe you didn't. That's okay.

But 7-11 Convenience Store certainly did.
Today you can stop by your local 7-11 and pick up a free small Slurpee.
And it doesn't end there!
You: How?!
Your Royal Paleness: Calm down, I'll tell you.

Step 1. Download the FREE 7-11 app here on your iPhone or Android. Find the nearest store to you, download coupons, and even check the weather.

Step 2. Three words: GET FREE STUFF for 8 DAYS.

And look: even if you miss today's Slurpee, you can get another one next Saturday! How generous.
I suppose you have to show the app to get the free items, I'm not quite sure. But either way you get free stuff, so it works out.
7-11 isn't the only one celebrating today.
Both Chick-Fil-A and Krispy Kreme are offering pretty sweet deals. Today ONLY at Chick-Fil-A you can dress up as a cow and get a free meal. If, however, you don't feel like giving up all of your fashion swag, you can simply come in a partial costume (a cow t-shirt, purse, etc.) and get a free entree.
For more Cow Appreciation Day FAQ's, click here.

Now, as for Krispy Kreme, today is their 77th birthday, so you can buy a dozen doughnuts and get the second for 77 cents (in-store only).

So get out there, you rockin' deal-stealer.
Your Royal Paleness

Thursday, July 10, 2014

All About Momma

Seeing as Momma loves Christmas in July just as much as I do, I thought I would write a post about her!

Momma has always been around for Brochacho and I. She loves us enough to drive us a million places and to put up with our sweaty selves after sports practices, and even make her "comments" rhyme so they don't hurt as much (example: Sweaty Betty).

I think a good way to describe Momma is with Proverbs 31:26-27, which says

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."

Momma: Mmm-hmm. Don't forget it.

Here are some cool things about Momma:

  1. She loves makeup. Her favorite kinds are Laura Geller, Make Up For Ever, but L'Oreal True Match for her face. Just makeup in general, really.
  2. Sephora is her heaven-on-earth. See #1.
  3. Momma is a fan of reality TV. Project Runway is a favorite.
  4. Momma secretly loves Dog, but won't admit it. She just doesn't love her shedding.
  5. She puts a 'd on almost everything'd.
  6. She loves Christmas. Our decorations went up immediately after Halloween last year.
  7. Some of her favorite movies are Sweet Home Alabama, Legally Blonde, Coal Miner's Daughter, Remember the Titans, and Disney's Secretariat.
  8. She told me "I have never tried sushi and I never will." Sorry, Japanese Steakhouse guy.
  9. Her hobbies are shopping and napping, and she has been known to do both at the same time. Whether this is true or not she won't tell me.
  10. She mocks Sci-Fi with a passion. Momma and Deddy do not share this fascination.
  11. She loves being a momma, being a wife, and chocolate.

We love you, Momma'd!
Your Royal Paleness (My paleness didn't come from her; she tans very easily, and I fry like a wonton.)

P.S. She also likes to watch people fall. Even us.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Monday Punday 7/7 (Christmas in July!!!)

Why, yes, I do believe it is Monday again.

Now, most people are not fans of Mondays (unless you're "unique"), so I thought I'd cheer y'all up with a GIF.


I think this describes how we all feel.

If that didn't work, I have a pun!
Like many students out there, I am participating in Summer Reading (4 books).

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

(Actually, I'm not, but whatever.)

Have a good week!
Your Royal Paleness

Sunday, July 6, 2014


Christmas in July 2014 is HERE, people. Get it together.

I don't know about y'all, but Momma and I have been watching HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIES for the past 3 days (we've recorded 2 already!). Brochacho and Deddy disapprove.

So while it's 90+ degrees outside (part of our mailbox melted off a few years ago), we're watching addictingly-cheesy Christmas movies (don't judge, you know you've done it).

If you'd like to get in on this (almost disturbingly) early Christmas spirit, here's the link to the schedule.

However, Hallmark has 2 channels, so here's the schedule for the other one.

And, of course, Momma and I have a few favorites that will be airing in the next week. Participate in Your Royal Paleness' picks with this handy schedule (keep in mind I live in Southern America, so this is Eastern Standard Time):

Hallmark Movie Channel:

Sunday, July 6th:

8:00PM - Silver Bells

Monday, July 7th:

  • 6:00PM - The Ultimate Gift
  • 8:00PM - A Dog Named Christmas (Dog is a fan)

Tuesday, July 8th:
  • 10:00AM - The Ultimate Gift (just watch it again, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit)
  • 4:00PM - A Dog Named Christmas
  • 10:00PM - The Christmas Card

Wednesday, July 9th:
  • 6:00AM - A Dog Named Christmas
  • 6:00PM - The Christmas Card
  • 10:00PM - November Christmas

Thursday, July 10th:
  • 2:00PM - November Christmas
  • 8:00PM - A Season For Miracles
  • 10:00PM - Silver Bells

Friday, July 11th:
  • 4:00AM (yes, get your butt up) - Thomas Kinkade's Christmas Cottage
  • 2:00PM - A Season For Miracles
  • 4:00PM - Silver Bells

Saturday, July 12th:
  • 10:00PM - A Dog Named Christmas

Sunday, July 13th:
  • 12:00AM - The Christmas Card
  • 2:00AM - November Christmas
  • 4:00AM - The Ultimate Gift
  • 8:00AM - A Dog Named Christmas
  • 10:00AM - November Christmas
  • 4:00PM - The Ultimate Gift
  • 6:00PM - November Christmas
  • 8:00PM - The Christmas Card

Hallmark Channel:

Sunday, July 6th:
  • 10:00PM - Christmas With Holly (one of the best)

Monday, July 7th:
  • 2:00PM - Debbie Macomber's Mrs. Miracle
  • 4:00PM - Debbie Macomber's Call Me Mrs. Miracle (yes, they're different, and AMAZING)

Tuesday, July 8th:
  • 6:00PM - Snow Bride
  • 8:00PM - Window Wonderland

Wednesday, July 9th:
  • 2:00PM - Window Wonderland
  • 4:00PM - A Princess For Christmas (Momma's favorite)
  • 8:00PM - Matchmaker Santa

Thursday, July 10th:
  • 2:00PM - Matchmaker Santa

Friday, July 11th:
  • 6:00PM - The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (absolutely fantastic)
  • 8:00PM - Christmas With Holly

Saturday, July 12th:
  • 6:00AM - The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
  • 10:00AM - A Bride For Christmas
  • 12:00PM - Christmas With Holly
  • 6:00PM - A Very Merry Mix-Up
  • 8:00PM - Angels Sing (A newbie this year- A MUST see; do not make plans for Saturday)
  • 10:00PM - Let It Snow

Sunday, July 13th:
  • 12:00AM - Debbie Macomber's Mrs. Miracle
  • 2:00AM - Debbie Macomber's Call Me Mrs. Miracle
  • 6:00AM - A Princess For Christmas
  • 10:00AM - A Very Merry Mix-Up
  • 2:00PM - Let It Snow
  • 4:00PM - Debbie Macomber's Mrs. Miracle
  • 6:00PM - Debbie Macomber's Call Me Mrs. Miracle
  • 10:00PM - A Princess For Christmas

Which one is your favorite?
(By the way, REAL Hallmark Christmas movies start Halloween night.)

Brochacho: None
Your Royal Paleness: *glares*

Ignore him.  :)
Your Royal Paleness

Friday, July 4, 2014

Happy Fourth of July!

Happy Fourth!

Today we celebrate America's 238th birthday! We may not have the best soccer players, or fetching ginger princes, but I still think we're pretty cool.

America (or, " 'Merica," as Brochacho and I like to say) was built upon the foundations of freedom and opportunities for all the people of the world. Our republic is headed by our president, the first being General George Washington. Many years and 43 presidents later, here we are.

We remember our troops overseas who could not be with their families today, protecting the country we celebrate. Our love and prayers go out to them.

The United States of America (named after Amerigo Vespucci, an Italian explorer and cartographer) has contributed to our modern world greatly, from air conditioning to cream cheese; from Kevlar to the fortune cookie (yes, you read that right).

To celebrate our country, my family and I attended our local parade after breakfast with some friends. At first it was kind of cool, but began to heat up as the parade went on (FYI, parade people; Tootsie Rolls and heat do not mix).
Here are some pictures from our parade:

We had WWII veterans, beauty queens, and lots of floats throwing candy (like Tootsie Rolls). After the parade, we grilled hamburgers by the pool. Poor Dog had to stay home, but she got to sleep. We plan to go see fireworks tonight as well.

How are you going to celebrate the 4th of July?

Happy Birthday, 'Merica!
Your Royal Paleness